He is... here

"Hey-- I'm here."

It's His voice.
I didn't initiate.
He did.
A reminder.
He knew;
He knew this place is uncomfortable for me;
scary.
So He reminded me-- He's here.

I hate being home alone.
I've always hated it.
Night time.
Alone.
My mind has the chance to wander to the "what ifs."
I've dwelt my fair share of days in the "what ifs."

This didn't develop overnight.
It developed over many many years.
Elementary school;
middle school;
high school;
college;
and to now.
There aren't many nights of being alone now.
One of the perks to being married.
But every once in a while,
I get the "opportunity" to be again.

I remember the many times in college when my roommate would leave for the weekend.
How scared I was.
I was intentional the only way I knew how.
I'd pray myself to sleep.
Would often take me hours.
I hoped it would eventually subside.
That the fear would lessen.
Has yet to be my experience.
I'm finding that,
The fear doesn't change.
Our response to it does.
Our persistent-intentional awareness, declaration, gut-knowing belief that we no longer remain a slave to it.
It doesn't have to change.
It doesn't have to leave.
It can stay, even.
And we can become so beautifully unaware of its being-there; arms length away.
Because we are so aware of Him.
So trusting of Him.
He wants to walk with us into that awareness.
Into that place in Him.
A place where we don't even have to pray ourselves to sleep;
only to have to do it again the next night.
Instead it's a constant reminder that-- He's here.
Always here.
Always trustworthy.
Whether we believe it or not.
Until we believe it.
Until it is a deep seated knowing in our spirits.
It's then,
that those words;
that reminder:
"Hey-- I'm here."
is enough.