Monday, July 22, 2013

I AM...alive

I know this will probably not properly capture what my heart wants to express, but I must attempt it nonetheless.
And my hope is that if nothing else, you see my heart...

My heart is:
SO full. 
SO overwhelmed. 
SO overflowing. 
SO alive.
It is SO good.

So much so that at times I physically can not keep still.
So much so that it is almost uncomfortable. 
That I need to get near someone else so the overflow has somewhere to run off.
Lest I be weighted with this wonderful yet constant heaviness that does not seem to fit quite right for too long a time.

What started all of this? 
What spurred this on?
This simple yet frustrating phrase:  "I want you to be you."
Simple because it is one task based on something we should [one would think] be completely familiar with.  Be ourselves.
Frustrating because we assume that we are already being ourselves or that we need to be doing something more.
And yet, the more I stop trying and I just start...being, the more I start to realize that it is ME, ASHLEY...who can walk into this...whatever this is...this fullness.

"This is What You Do" - Matt Stinton, Bethel Music

It's always like springtime with You, making all things new
Your light is breaking through the dark
This love it is sweeter than wine
Bringing joy, bringing life
Your hope is rising like the dawn

This is what You do, this is what You do

It's like I'm living for the first time

...I AM alive.