I AM CREATIVE...

Disclaimer:  I end many of my sentences in prepositions.  From my understanding, this is not the proper way of doing things.  That being said, I have no intention of addressing this issue, so...that's just something you English Lovers are just going to have to deal with.  (haha, I did that one on purpose.)


Multiplying fractions. Factoring. Adding complex numbers.  Simplifying radicals.  You know, stuff people use everyday ;)   This is what my days consist of.  I enjoy it...thoroughly.  Do the students?  Well, seeing that I have 1 out of about 20 students coming to see me (those students that are REQUIRED to come see), I'd say the answer is no.  Why?  Am I not charming enough?  Do I smell?  I don't want to toot my own horn, but *toot toot*...I am delightfully charming, good smelling AND MORE.

No, but seriously, I've interacted with these students, I know many of their backgrounds, I see their attitudes...they just. don't. care.  Math doesn't matter to them.  And can you blame them?  When was the last time you needed to factor?

Yes, it's more than that.  Learning algebra isn't just for those times in life (that may be far and few between) when you need to actually use it.  It produces a valuable way of thinking and can be a building block to something you actually do care about, it can help with the practical aspects of math such as finances and bla bla bla.  I get that.  I preach that.  I LOVE that.  But for most students, that's not cutting it.  How do I make math matter?  Does it matter?  Is it good for the average person to know how to factor?

I've been in college.  It's awfully hard to see past that 4 (hopefully only 4) year time period and into the future where your current decisions affect what you will do, who you will be, and the obstacles and time it takes to get there.  I understand that it is hard for students to connect this current math class to the larger picture.

...So what am I getting at?  Well I'm reading "The Element" by Ken Robinson.  I was introduced to a little video clip of him months ago where he talked about how schools are killing creativity.  If you haven't seen it take some time to go watch it.  He has a lovely accent so you'll be easily captivated for a full 20 min.

Ken Robinson "Do Schools Kill Creativity?"

I was intrigued.  I wanted more.  Reading this book, I've seen so many different examples of people who have been viewed as the kid who was lazy, a slacker, didn't care, and would probably never succeed in life.  In all of these examples, once the kid (or later adult) understood what it was that was their "element," the thing that they were good at and thrived at and had passion for, once they understood what that was and pushed passed whatever opinions said they'd never make it, they thrived.  They excelled.  And in these examples, they are powerful, influential, and famous.  Many children are pressured to be something they are not.  Pressured to be a lawyer when all they want to do is write.  Pressured to choose a stable path for their future, when all they want to do is express themselves in the way that makes the most sense to them.  Once free to be themselves, they became what most of us only dream of. Ken puts it this way:

"And the fact is the average office worker probably does have more financial security than the average jazz trumpeter.  But it is difficult to feel accomplished when you're not accomplishing something that matters to you.  Doing something 'for your own good' is rarely for your own good if it causes you to be less than who you really are."

I often think about my students.  I ask them their first day of class what their passion is.  What would they do if they could do anything.  I want them to know that I care about who they really are, not just about teaching them math (especially when for most of them, math is the last thing they want to think about). I want to know this so I can encourage them in that thing that is truly them, in what they are truly interested in.  But many students don't know really know what they're passionate about.

I keep thinking about one student in particular, we'll call him "Brandon."  The first thing I remember about Brandon is how when I asked him what he would do if he could do anything, he said he'd be a secret agent. First thoughts through my mind:  Ok jokester. I'm not saying people can't truly want to be secret agents, but to keep this in perspective: when I was trying to remember his name, he told me a fake name instead.  Also, I later found out that he is known for lying straight to your face (at least about academic things anyways).  But I didn't know, that could have been that boy's life long dream and I wasn't about to be a dream crusher so feeling kind of dumb at believing a perhaps obvious lie I said, "That's awesome!  Like with the FBI?  Any particular location?"  And on and on I went.  This was my first encounter with Brandon.  My later encounters?  Well, not too many encounters to be honest.  He came to my workshops a bit in the beginning but haven't seen him for the past 8 or so weeks.  And even when he did come, he was physically present but mentally absent.  Failing class, I am confident Brandon is perfectly capable of an A.  No lie.  And I wouldn't say that for all students.  And sadly this is not just a math class dilemma.  Why does he not care?  Why does this not matter to him?  I've come to see him as "the slacker."  I've actually been concerned about his future and what's going to happen to him.  I've been concerned, because he's not been motivated academically.  But Ken's got me thinking...Should I be concerned that he's not coming to class and that he's not trying and that he's failing?  Or should I be concerned that perhaps Brandon is yet another student that's heart is elsewhere and his creativity is being squandered?

And I've tried to connect with not only Brandon but other students in an area besides math.  This was why I had goal setting workshops.  Goal setting workshops in my mind were just an excuse to get students excited and motivated about life and who they are, not about getting them to figure out  how they could better plan for success in college and in their math class.  But for Brandon, this activity was not something of interest.  More of a joke.

So I wonder, what does he really want to do?  Does he really want to be secret agent?  What is he really good at?  Are there other things going on at home?  Is he expected to be one thing when he knows he's another?  Is there something holding him back from freedom to be who he really is?  I am deeply saddened to know that students are passing by me every day headed for a future that was never truly their heart, but the heart of another or rather an obligation placed on them by the way society operates.

Don't get me wrong, there is value in stability and planning for a career that will provide for you as a result of you doing your part and God doing his.  But since when did our dreams have to leave the picture?  Since when did we have to throw what makes us excited out the window in order to make sure that we are going to be able to eat and live and make it in the future?  Are the two mutually exclusive?

I love my job.  I don't see myself leaving anytime soon.  I didn't know what I was looking for, but as soon as I arrived here, I knew this was where I wanted to be.  There is only one small thing wrong with my job, and that's that I feel like it is killing creativity (not for all, but for some).  It is reinforcing what education has been telling students for far too long:  If you are not smart in these subjects (math included), then you'll never succeed and you won't be as good as you need to be.  If you go after your dreams and not math and these more "stable" subjects, you won't get a job.  And though there are seeds of truth in those statements, there are (in my opinion) far bigger lies.  So though I dislike this part of my job where I squander their creativity, I think it important that someone who enjoys math and does do math everyday, encourage students in the thing THEY enjoy.  Encourage students in what's in THEIR heart.  I feel like that's all I can do, but I want to believe that's what I can do.  (You tracking?)