I AM...a climber

This has really been rolling around in me today.  So here it goes...my thoughts...in no particular order...


"Running does not get us over the mountain...climbing gets us there...let's embrace what's in front of us.  It's worth it.  We're worth it."

Friends, pursue Jesus. 
Pursue the person of Jesus.
We are left unsatisfied.
Empty.
Confused.
Disappointed.
Because we seek something other than the person of Jesus.
Let's not go running looking for something else.
Let's STAY looking for HIM.

Children who have forgotten who they are, run.
They run looking for something.
Looking for themselves.
Looking for fulfillment.
We think the way to get what we want is to run. 
To go find it.
It is already HERE!  Right in FRONT of us.
He is HERE!  He is right in FRONT of us!

We can't run.
We have GOT to stay in this.
We must.
Jesus has GOOD things for us.
We MUST push through.
Trusting.
Believing. 
That He is a good Father.
A Father who knows what's best.
Who wants what's best.

Jesus' face is right there IN the mountain. 
He's IN the mountain. 
Metaphorically and physically.
Like, I literally see His face in the mountain like the faces in Mount Rushmore. 

If we keep running from mountains, we will only ever experience one location.
One side.
One perspective.
Eventually we will have to climb.
If we want the other side, we will eventually be forced to climb.
Even if we run, eventually we will run back into the same mountain miles down the road.

Stop running Ashley.
Stop running **insert your name here**.

Climb.
It's worth it.
The view at the top is worth it.
The journey is worth it.
The other side is worth it.
He is worth it.
You are worth it.

We must embrace the mountain.
We must stop trying to pray away the mountain.
We must stop trying to "move the mountain."
(yes I know that verse says that faith can move mountains...but I think most mountains are not meant to be moved.)

You do not climb alone.
Grab a friend's hand. 
Grab the Father's hand. 
And climb.
Set your eyes on the Jesus that is there with you IN the mountain.
And climb.

We are climbers.
...I am a climber.
 

I AM...alive

I know this will probably not properly capture what my heart wants to express, but I must attempt it nonetheless.
And my hope is that if nothing else, you see my heart...

My heart is:
SO full. 
SO overwhelmed. 
SO overflowing. 
SO alive.
It is SO good.

So much so that at times I physically can not keep still.
So much so that it is almost uncomfortable. 
That I need to get near someone else so the overflow has somewhere to run off.
Lest I be weighted with this wonderful yet constant heaviness that does not seem to fit quite right for too long a time.

What started all of this? 
What spurred this on?
This simple yet frustrating phrase:  "I want you to be you."
Simple because it is one task based on something we should [one would think] be completely familiar with.  Be ourselves.
Frustrating because we assume that we are already being ourselves or that we need to be doing something more.
And yet, the more I stop trying and I just start...being, the more I start to realize that it is ME, ASHLEY...who can walk into this...whatever this is...this fullness.



"This is What You Do" - Matt Stinton, Bethel Music

It's always like springtime with You, making all things new
Your light is breaking through the dark
This love it is sweeter than wine
Bringing joy, bringing life
Your hope is rising like the dawn

This is what You do, this is what You do
YOU MAKE ME COME ALIVE

It's like I'm living for the first time
FINALLY LIVING FOR THE FIRST TIME





...I AM alive.

I AM...Wanted

When I hear this song, I don't hear a romantic verse from man to woman, I hear a Father revealing his love to his children.  I hear it SO strongly.  I believe his heart is to have all of his children know that they are WANTED.  Listen to this song from a new perspective.   



Hunter Hayes "Wanted"


You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you
Like everything that's green, girl I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you want it too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
Never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the makeup
And I wanna show you what I see tonight

As good as YOU make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted



You are and I am...wanted. 

We are...beloved

Discovered a (new to me) song the other day.  Haven't been able to get it out of my heart since. 
Jason Gray's "Remind Me Who I Am"

Video was definitely worth watching:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSIVjjY8Ou8


 
Remind me who I am.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.

If I'm Your beloved,
Can You help me believe it.


I'm the one You LOVE,
I'm the one You love,
That will be enough,
I'm the one You LOVE.

Tell me once again who I am to You,
Who I am to You.
Tell me lest I forget who I am to You,
That I belong to You.
To You.






 

WOW. I truly believe this is God's heart for us.  For us ALL.
That we see ourselves and each other as HE sees us.  Loved.  Worthy. 
That we live from that place.  

We ARE Beloved.  

I AM...Excited!

Dear 2013,

You came so quick.
I wasn't even thinking about you. 
I wasn't planning my vision for you.

My eyes were fixed on my Father.
And He led me into preparation for you and I didn't even have any idea that was happening.
But I see it now.

He spoke to me about the appropriate vision, changes, attitude and etc.
I am READY.
I am EXCITED.
I am CONFIDENT.
with direction and purpose and intention and effectiveness and power and authority.
I am where I need to be.

•  Fix your eyes on your Father, your Husband.
•  Walk with confidence and awareness into each environment knowing your power, influence, and authority.
• See beyond the natural.
• You are not in a season of waiting.  WALK.  Your steps will be ordered.
• I need YOU to be YOU.
• Excitement!
• Resourced from Heaven.

2013, in one word, I am EXCITED.  


Love,

Ash



.

I AM...Love's Bride

Ever hear a song that you just love and you can't get enough of it, so you proceed to play it again and again and again determined to suck it dry of all it's awesomeness?

Well, that happens to me a lot.  But the past few weeks it's been these words that I keep coming back to and reading just like one of those songs you can't get enough of:



Hosea 2-3
(Here are my FAVORITE highlights from The Message version.) 

----------------------------

And now, here's what I'm going to do.
I am going to start all over again.
I'm taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date.
And I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets of roses.
I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was first out of Egypt.

At that time, you'll address me, 'Dear Husband!'
Never again will you address me, 'My Slave Master!'
And then I'll marry you for GOOD - FOREVER!
I'll marry you TRUE and PROPER.
In LOVE and TENDERNESS.
Yes, I'll marry you and NEITHER LEAVE YOU NOR LET YOU GO.
You'll KNOW ME, God, for who I really am.

Then God ordered me, 'Start all over. Love your wife again.  Love here the way, I, God love the Israelite people.

I did it.  I paid GOOD MONEY to get her back.
It cost me the price of a slave.

Then I told her, 'From now on you're living with me.  You're living with me and I'm living with you.'

They'll come back chastened to reverence before God and his good gifts.  READY for the END OF THE STORY OF HIS LOVE!!

----------------------------

Though we have developed some distorted ideas of what Love is and what Love looks like, true Love comes ready to show us who he really is.  He is coming for his bride.  He HAS come for his bride.  I want to live in and with THAT Love. 

Love is not a Slave Master,
Love is a Husband,
and we are Love's Bride.

I am part of Love's Bride.

I AM...Lovable

I'm sorry, but reading this article just made me so...angry.

Here it is:
_______________________________________________________________________________

“We must remind ourselves that God loves us, not because we are lovable, but because we are in Christ, and the love which the Father has for him flows over to us because we are in him.” – Jerry Bridges, Who am I?

God doesn’t love us because we are lovable.

In fact, in and of ourselves we are very much unlovable.  But Mark, you ask, aren’t I good enough, smart enough and doggone it don’t people like me? Yes people may like you.  Yes, you may be smart enough.  But you’re not loveable enough to merit God’s blazing holy love that burns up all impurities in its presence.
The Bible gives us pretty rough assessment of our “lovableness”.

…as it is written:
“None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”
“Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.”
“The venom of asps is under their lips.”
“Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”
“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known.”
“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”
(Romans 3:10-18)

Observe how lovable we are: we’re unrighteous, have no interest in or understanding of God.  We’re worthless. Our throats are open graves – what a lovely stench! And the the venom of asps under our lips makes us doubly attractive to God, as well as our mouths full of curses and bitterness.
Can you imagine a husband saying to his wife, “I love you honey.  Your mouth reminds me of an open grave. And your lips  are like the venom dripping from a Gaboon Viper.”  Somehow I don’t think that wife would feel particularly lovable.
Though our sin renders us repellent to God, when he saves us he not only washes our sins away, but he plunges us into Christ. We become so organically and intimately one with Christ that when God looks on Jesus he sees us, and when he looks on us he sees Jesus. When God loves Jesus, he loves us in him and when God loves us he loves his Son in us.
The Father doesn’t love believers because we are lovable, but because Jesus is infinitely lovable and God has made us one with Jesus. And because we are one with him, when the Father pours out his love on  his Son, that love washes over us as well.
Let this truth fill you with joy today.  No matter what kinds of trials you’re facing, remember the Father loves you with the love he has for his own Son.  And nothing can separate you from that love.  Ever.
________________________________________________________________________________

I used to be SO insecure.  See myself as SO stupid.  See myself as SO unworthy.  Someone who could NEVER measure up.  And as a result, I stayed in my shrunken back position believing that I had little to offer.  Little that should be offered in my condition.  I lived so small for so long because I believed this so strongly.  Yea, Jesus may have died for my sins and made me worthy in God's sight, but the fact of the matter was that I believed I myself was never worth it.

I am now significantly less insecure.  I am stepping away from that shrunken position.  I understand that I am called to be brought to the front where the action is.
I believe I was created worthy. Created lovable.  Did I become distorted by the world along the way?  Of course.  But that was not my original identity.  Do I need Jesus?  Of course.  I needed him to conquer sin and death, but should not the focus be that I need him to show me how to live fully, to live from my original state.  From that worthiness and from that lovableness.     

I'm concerned the focus that this message takes is allowing depression and anxiety and hopelessness to enter in.  That it is taking us away from what God always created us to be and what he always wanted us to see about ourselves and as a result see about him.

I'm sorry dear author, but I disagree.  I think your focus is off.

"Sin" does not make me repulsive...it's just the result of my stepping away from relationship with my Father...in response, my Father uses it as an opportunity to draw near and teach me about who I truly am.   

I am lovable.  Period.  The end.  And I am going to live from that place.